


Day 4: Burdens

by Rutaaa



Series: Haikyuu Week 2016 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: BPD, Bipolar Disorder (mentioning), Borderline Personality Disorder, Bullies, Fix-it lifestyle, Help from Akaashi, M/M, i dont know why, i just love a sad bokuto before fukurodani
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 01:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6544729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rutaaa/pseuds/Rutaaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every child was moody at times, always being angry or sad at random times. He wasn’t any different. But as he grew older, things changed. His moods gradually worsened instead of getting better, he wasn’t in control of his emotions like most kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day 4: Burdens

When he was younger, it didn’t affect Bokuto that much. Every child was moody at times, always being angry or sad at random times. He wasn’t any different. But as he grew older, things changed. His moods gradually worsened instead of getting better, he wasn’t in control of his emotions like most kids. 

Bokuto would be prone to bursts of anger and sadness. His own image of himself took a sour turn when he entered high school and people began to notice how different he was. They would talk about him behind his back and it would make Bokuto worry. He began to style his hair wildly, dying half the grey strands black and spiking it upwards like an owl. It gave the students ammo about his physical appearance instead of his emotional instability.

Volleyball helped him focus on one thing, giving him the energy to be joyful and loud. Volleyball was the one thing that made him feel normal, and so he practiced everyday at any time he could with Kuroo or alone, training his body and muscles to become the best. The upperclassmen on the volleyball team though, they couldn’t keep up with him. And things began to get worse as the one thing that made Bokuto feel safe, became infected. 

He missed the last two weeks of practice because they were having a third years retirement match and Bokuto didn’t want to listen to their jeers of hate. He was glad the third years graduated, they were who spearheaded the mocking and jokes, second years never confronting him on it without third years present. 

So he returned to practice in the off-season and things were just fine. No one called him names or made fun of him, that is, until the school year of his second year started. The upperclassmen began to bad mouth him again, encouraging first years to start too, despite him being their senior. It only worsened Bokuto’s state and he had no idea why.

He thought things couldn’t get worse, but then there was a different first year. A dark haired first year with bored looking eyes. He had a sharp tongue but he never used it to bully Bokuto, he only used it to defend him. His name was Akaashi Keiji and any time another first year talked bad about Bokuto, in front of Bokuto or behind his back, Akaashi was there telling them to respect their senpai. 

He didn’t expect anything to get better, even if he was already the ace, despite being only a second year. He was the strongest spiker Fukurodani had and if the third years wanted to win they couldn’t protest about him playing. But they made it hard for him to even function. Their jeers and insults got to him worse than any other team’s antagonizing words, that he often fell depressed on the court and was removed from play. 

It became so bad that Bokuto started skipping practices, even getting detentions in his classes to avoid going to practice. He didn’t want to play with people that only mocked and insulted him. It wasn’t until Akaashi found him at lunch one day and asked him to come back to practice, that Akaashi would toss for Bokuto. 

It took two weeks for Akaashi to convince Bokuto to return to practice, coming everyday to Bokuto’s classroom during lunch and beg him to return. When Bokuto did return to practice, he was still met with jeers and he almost left, but Akaashi was there. Akaashi tossed to Bokuto, even encouraged Bokuto to be loud and enthusiastic. Akaashi gave him praise and words of encouragement. 

Their practice was completely different than the rest of the team. The third years were just glad they no longer had to deal with Bokuto and were glad to pawn him off on some lousy first year. They were ignored for the most part, until three other second years joined their practice one day. Komi, Sarukui, and Konoha were kind, only ever teasing Akaashi, giving Bokuto kind words of encouragement. They filled Bokuto with niceties and the third years didn’t bother him any longer. 

Near the end of his second year Akaashi asked him a question. 

“Bokuto-san? Are you bipolar?”

Bokuto glanced up from his bento, slurping a noodle into his mouth. He shook his head. “My mom had me checked for that and the doctor didn’t say I was.” Akaashi watched him with narrowed eyes. 

“Do you know why you have your moods then?” 

Bokuto shook his head and frowned. “I’ve never known. Ever since I was a kid they’ve been like they are now. When the doc’ cleared me from bipolar disorder my mom stopped trying to understand.” His eyes fell to his food in front of him. “She… kind of gave up on me after that.” He could feel Akaashi’s eyes on him as he took another bite of noodles. 

“Bokuto-san… would you come talk to my mom after practice today?” 

“Eh, why?” Wide, golden eyes shot up to Akaashi’s face, confusion clear as day in them. Akaashi leaned forwards slightly and placed his hand on top of Bokuto’s. 

“My mom is a psychotherapist and I told her about… your moods. She thought it was bipolar disorder but since you denied it, I want you to talk with my mom and maybe she can figure out what it is exactly?” Akaashi paused, grey blue eyes meeting gold. “It would help to know what it is instead of just leaving it alone.” 

Bokuto’s chest filled with affection for the boy in front of him. No one had ever gone that far for him before. Sure, Kuroo helped Bokuto when he got extremely angry or sad but Akaashi was saying that Bokuto may finally find out what his moods are. Bokuto nodded, flipping his hand over and squeezing Akaashi’s hand in his. “Okay.”

Bokuto didn’t hear from anything new from Akaashi about what his mom was researching for a week and a half. Any time he asked, Akaashi would say the same thing, “I asked her this morning and she said she was still looking for possible answers.” So the one day he forgot to ask, Akaashi comes running up to him, lips quirked up in a smile. 

“Bokuto-san!” Akaashi’s winded voice rang out, Bokuto’s golden eyes falling to the panting first year in front of him. “My mom found something!” 

Bokuto perked up hearing the words. “What’d she find?” 

Akaashi panted, hands on his knees, breathing deeply. “She said to tell you the reason it took so long was that she was trying to find confirmation from other physiological experts and she got enough information to say that you have Borderline Personality Disorder, marked by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.” 

Bokuto watched Akaashi removed his bag from his shoulder and hold it in front of him. He rifled through it while he continued speaking. “She told me to give you this folder with all sorts of information printed out from books and websites so you can read about it yourself.” He removed a manila folder from his bag that was bulging with papers. “She said that the best way to deal with borderline personality disorder was to go to psychotherapy and take Omega-3 fatty acids.” 

Bokuto looked at Akaashi with blank eyes. “What…?” 

Akaashi snorted, smile growing bigger. “She said that fish oil vitamins could work if you didn’t know what Omega-3 fatty acids were.” He offered the folder to Bokuto.

Bokuto grabbed the folder and opened it up to a random paper. The paper had a list some of the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. Bokuto skimmed through some of them and he could tell that a lot of them applied to him;  _ intense and highly changeable moods, chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom, distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, _ and these were just a few. 

“My mom offered herself as a therapist you could talk to and she gave me a list of stores around here that have the vitamins you could take,” Akaashi’s voice was small. “It won’t make a change overnight but it will help in the future, and I… I will help you if you want me to.” 

Bokuto looked at Akaashi, watching the boy stumble through his words. A small smile broke across Bokuto’s face and he shuffled the now closed folder to one hand, the other coming to rest on Akaashi’s cheek. The action made Akaashi look at Bokuto, words falling flat. Bokuto’s hand trailed back to Akaashi’s ear and he gripped the back of Akaashi’s neck. He brought their foreheads together and he whispered, “Thank you, Akaashi.”

They stood there for a minute or two before Bokuto pulled back, moving his hand to rest of the setter’s shoulder. Akaashi looked at Bokuto, questioning in his gaze, eyes flicking to Bokuto’s mouth before returning to gold eyes. Bokuto’s smile widened to a grin and he surged forward slowly, lips meeting Akaashi’s. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon that Bokuto wasn't very well liked as a kid and it didn't really help his mood. Most of the stuff I had Akaashi explain was from [this](http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml) website.


End file.
